Posting Gogyohka: 5 Line songs of the sincere heart.
Chico,I like the sentiment expressed in this poem. But, I'm not sure if you need "absolute"Just a thought.Chen-ou
Chen-ou,I feel honored to have your thought on my poem. Thank you so much.having suggested, I've found that it is not necessary. In fact, it disturbs the flow and interferes the effect of last line.Would you be kind to share your reason why it is not needed? That'll be a great opportunityto learn for me...
Chico,In addition to interference, I think "absolute" is a little abstract. It might be better to convey abstract ideas and emotions through concrete language and imagery.Just some thoughts.Chen-ou
Chen-ou,Thank you so much for your suggestion. Your generosity and thoughts are really appreciated!!!!chico